Identifying the signs of emotional infidelity

Emotional infidelity may be a sign of something going wrong in a marriage, but you and your spouse can arm your marriage against it by expressing your feelings and becoming better communicators.



Quick Facts about Emotional Infidelity:

Emotional infidelity is sharing emotional intimacy with someone other than a spouse

Emotional infidelity often makes partners become more distant through deceit, suspicion, and the loss of trust

Emotional infidelity is an emotional affair

Emotional infidelity often starts when a spouse feels that they can no longer talk to the person they married, and seeks out someone else with whom to share their deepest thoughts and feelings. Talking about these feelings and thoughts doesn't come easy for lots of people. But it's vitally important for the health of a marriage for both partners to be able to communicate with each other in intimate ways.

Turn Emotional Infidelity into Emotional Intimacy

The main way to stop emotional infidelity is to build the emotional intimacy in your marriage. One of the most important things you can do is pay close attention to how you're feeling, and try to identify what's taking place within yourself. The more conscious you can be of the emotions inside you, the more proactive you can be regarding how you act on them, and the more effectively you can communicate them. These four tips can help you to start identifying the signs of emotional infidelity before it begins, so you can start building the emotional intimacy in your marriage.



Stop Emotional Infidelity Tip 1: Be aware of your feelings

Start by knowing how you feel, no matter how hard it is to express certain emotions. The feelings are there, within you, and they can be very powerful. Remember, feelings are neither right or wrong.

Stop Emotional Infidelity Tip 2: Identify your emotions

Next, do your best to actually name your emotions. There are five main types of emotions, each with its own range of intensity: Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Confusion. Many people find it helpful to review a list of possible feeling words to help ascertain and describe what they are feeling at any given time. Here's a helpful list of feeling words to review, which can help you understand and identify your personal emotions.

The following words express varying degrees of JOY:



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Mild Moderate Strong

Satisfied Happy Overjoyed

Pleased Content Elated

Encouraged Good Delighted

Glad Upbeat Thrilled

Comfortable Hopeful Joyful

Positive Peaceful Excited

Relaxed Proud Ecstatic

OK Amused Optimistic

Relieved Cheerful Inspired



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The following words express varying degrees of SADNESS:



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Mild Moderate Strong

Unsure Afraid Alarmed

Worried Anxious Fearful

Nervous Insecure Frightened

Reluctant Apprehensive Terrified

Shy Timid Threatened

Hesitant Shocked Paranoid

Troubled Disconcerted Panic-stricken

Jumpy Uneasy Petrified

Concerned Startled Distressed



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The following words express varying degrees of ANGER:



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Mild Moderate Strong

Irritated Frustrated Furious

Annoyed Mad Enraged

Bothered Agitated Hate

Disturbed Aggravated Infuriated

Cross Disgusted Hostile

Edgy Exasperated Livid

Peeved Upset Incensed

Snippy Resentful Irate

Tired of Indignant Bitter



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The following words express varying degrees of CONFUSION:



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Mild Moderate Strong

Uncertain Confused Troubled

Undecided Perplexed Bewildered

Unsure Baffled Taken aback

Tentative Torn Mystified

Doubtful Puzzled At a complete loss

Vague Mixed up Disoriented



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More Feeling Words:



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Ashamed Bored Caring

Concerned Determined Disgusted

Eager Enthusiastic Exasperated

Exhausted Fatigued Fond

Impatient Indifferent Interested

Lost Pained Passionate

Pondering Secure Sheepish

Skeptical Surprised Suspicious

Sympathetic Tense Terrible

Thoughtful Trapped Uncomfortable

Uptight Warm Warm







Stop Emotional Infidelity Tip 3: Own your own feelings

Although we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we react to them. Remember to own your feelings. No one can "make you angry" - they may do something that infuriates you, but you are in control of how you feel about that action. It's more accurate and effective to simply let someone know that you felt angry because of the action, statement, etc.

Stop Emotional Infidelity Tip 4: Express yourself

Finally, once you can identify what you're feeling, you'll be better equipped to express those feelings to someone else. It may be helpful to let your spouse know what you're doing. Explaining that you are doing this so that your marriage can be even better will likely encourage your spouse to get involved. It's very important that you both remember to keep your discussions in a "safe zone," refraining from becoming judgmental over the feelings that are being expressed.

By staying true to your feelings and revealing them to each other in heartfelt discussions, you and your spouse will have a deep level of trust. You and your spouse will be able to confide in one another, rather than with someone who could lead you to emotional infidelity.



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