Avoiding the leading causes of divorce

Published: 01st July 2007
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When people ask about causes of divorce, they're not necessarily asking about what causes divorce. Often, what they really want to know is how to improve their relationship and avoid causes of divorce in their marriage. At eHarmony, instead of focusing on a cause of divorce, we prefer to talk about the areas of a relationship that deepen and strengthen a marriage. By working on these areas, you give yourself the chance to avoid the causes of divorce that affect so many other marriages.

Here, then are a few causes of divorce. Each cause of divorce has to do with a certain unwillingness which, if turned into a willingness, can become a strength of your relationship. Avoiding causes of divorce is all about effort-it's about being willing to develop relationship skills, and then to work hard to implement them.

The Five (Unwilling) Causes of Divorce

Cause of Divorce #1: An unwillingness to communicate lovingly

Cause of Divorce #1 has to do with the ways you talk and listen to each other. Loving communication means that you are willing to share and talk about your lives together. Then, it means that you do so with respect and kindness. This doesn't mean that you won't get angry or argue, but that you make an effort to talk and listen in ways that highlight the fact that you love your partner and want what's best for them. That kind of attitude can help you avoid many a cause of divorce.

Cause of Divorce #2: An unwillingness to commit

The second cause of divorce relates to how fully you're willing to stand by your vows to love, honor, and respect each other. This can apply to common causes of divorce like infidelity and abuse, but it's also about the basic ways you treat each other.

Cause of Divorce #3: An unwillingness to compromise

An overarching cause of divorce is one or both spouses' unwillingness to compromise. Flexibility is key in any relationship, especially when you're dealing with contentious issues like finances, childrearing, career decisions, etc.

Cause of Divorce #4: An unwillingness to put down weapons

One thing that can cause divorce is a constant battle in which partners consistently wound each other. Pledge that you'll side-step this cause of divorce by trying never to hurt, and only to heal each other.

Just as these causes of divorce all begin with a fundamental unwillingness, marital growth begins with your being willing to develop and strengthen your relationship skills like communication, commitment, compromise, and kindness. Pay attention to your willingness to love your partner in all these ways, and see where it takes your marriage.

eHarmony Marriage is a new, online alternative to marriage counseling. It's a private, personalized program that is designed to help you enjoy a stronger, happier and healthier relationship. We use your answers to our marriage questionnaire to focus on your areas of greatest need. When you visit eHarmony Marriage and take our questionnaire you'll receive a FREE Marriage Action Plan to show exactly how we can help you. http://marriage.eHarmony.com


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